e. holland: byu training

One thing that we thought we should bring up with Elder Holland was the lack of training for ecclesiastical leaders on a local level, especially at BYU. One of the big issues that I've seen, especially with new people entering the Mohosphere/social circles, is that reactions and receptions from bishops are varied, and it really seems like luck of the draw. I was a high school senior when I first told my bishop, and he was very open and understood the difference between temptation and sin. He did some research and got back to me with a "Well, there's not really any Church literature provided for people who haven't sinned, so just keep on doing what you've been doing." I told my stake presidency member during my pre-mission interview, and his only advice was not to tell any of my companions. I told my bishop when Salad and I got engaged, and while he was (and is) one of my favorite bishops ever, he really didn't get it, and told me as I focused on Salad, it would go away (haha). And when I talked with Salad's bishop when we got engaged, he pulled out the Evergreen monthly bulletin thing, and had all manner of resources that he knew of. It's really a mixed bag. Many people have had much worse experiences than I have.

While a widespread training protocol for bishops and stake presidencies everywhere would be difficult to compile, let alone implement, more training for BYU bishops and stake presidencies would be much more doable. With the concentration of young single adults, the number of people impacted would also be higher. Elder Holland agreed, and said that it might be very beneficial to do some additional training for the leaders. He pointed out the difficulty of reaching individual bishops in more remote locales, and pointed out that not all bishops will encounted the issue, but that the concentration of people at BYU would make it a good place for training, and could possibly lead to ways that more generalized training could be done. No promises were made, but it seems like this was a good idea that might bear fruit.

meeting with the bishop

It's been an interesting day, to be sure. Started off the day bailing out my brother, who had a dentist's appointment but failed to nail down a way to get to the dentist's office. Needless to say, I was 20 minutes late to work and had to drive Salad's car home, and my brother had to go pick her up from the office when she was done with work. It was pretty silly. Had my voice lesson today, as well as rehearsal for the men's ensemble I'm in. Let me tell you - music is SO therapeutic for me, and not being in Men's Chorus this year (I was in it for two and a half years before) has been really sad for me, but it didn't fit my schedule and I'm kinda glad because it would have added almost as much stress as it expunged.

So Salad and I went in to talk with my bishop tonight. I have to preface this by saying that I love my bishop and trust him completely. He's a very spiritually in-touch person, he's very open, I love his philosophy on running the ward (we're ecclesiastical leaders, not matchmakers!), and he's not afraid to admit when he doesn't understand something. Tonight was one of those times he didn't understand, and he was very open about it. It's apparent that he's had people from the ward talk with him about SSA issues in the past, but that he had little experience with it and hadn't really 'done his homework,' so to speak. When I told him I had dealt with same-sex attraction for a long time, he was floored. He masked it relatively well, but he was flabbergasted. I don't think it helped that Salad was in the room with us, or that I was his executive secretary for a year or so, or that I've been such an upstanding member of the ward. I think in his mind gay people are supposed to be obvious about it and have some sort of distinguishing characteristic that makes it obvious for everyone else to identify. I guess I never displayed that particular marker.

At any rate, he tried really hard to keep a grip on the situation and spouted off some questions and some advice, but I was really there for the blessing. I have my situation under control, I'm not dealing with depression or anxiety stemming from my 'issues,' I haven't committed any grevious sins, I maintain a gospel perspective about the way I approach my life and my trials...I just wanted some insight as to what God wanted me to do/had in store for me/whatever He felt like sharing through an ordained conduit.

The blessing was nice.

Nice isn't the best adjective, though. I'll admit it, I was hoping for something a little more earth-shaking than what I got, but my expectations weren't ridiculous. I mostly wanted clarity, and I didn't really gain much. Some of the things that were said really spoke to me and I feel like overall it was a good experience and I needed to go through it. However, there were some aspects of the experience that didn't work out quite so well. Those of you priesthood holders out there know that sometimes while you're giving a blessing, there's a pause between bouts of inspiration. Some people just stand there silently, waiting for the promptings to come, and some people fill the void with things that they think the person wants/needs to hear. About 50% of the blessing was vamping. I don't fault my bishop for it, because I've known a lot of people who've vamped in blessing like that. I've been blessed with a fairly keen sensitivity to the Spirit if I'm living my life right, though, and I could tell when he was vamping. Oh, well. I got some of the blessing that I was looking for.

I will admit, though, that I was a little put off or even mildly offended that at the end (after a great and much more natural blessing given to Salad) the bishop expressed that he wanted to talk with me every couple of weeks. That privilege is generally reserved for people on the edge or who are actively dealing with a major sin or something. Not someone who's living his life about as righteously as he ever has since his mission, who really has control over his temptations and trials, and came to gain clarity on what God willed. Still, I love the man and really enjoy talking with him, so it won't be a chore or anything. It just kinda hurt that his lack of understanding runs so deep, I guess. I fully intend to help him understand a little bit more, and to offer to talk with anyone who comes through his office that's dealing with the same thing. We'll see if he thinks that I'm just trying to find a boyfriend or something. Oi. The other comfort I have is that my personal scripture study and personal prayer has been pretty powerful, and the inspiration I've received is keeping me aware of my path almost as well as a blessing could.

If you missed it, go down and read Salad's latest post. She's working on outlining our history to this point. It will help you understand where we're coming from, though I'll have to fill in gaps that show my side of the story. So far she's gotten it right. ;)

~drex

just a quick post

It's getting kinda late and I'm not even really close to getting my assignment done, and it's due tomorrow. Plus I'm studying and prepping for a midterm that I have to take tomorrow afternoon in another class, so I'm going to keep this a brief overview of my day.

First off, I suppose, is that I didn't get to talk to my bishop. The time he had available didn't work for me and I didn't get the voicemail from the executive secretary until too late. The after church the bishop was swamped with ecclesiastical endorsement interviews. I'm going to try to make it over to talk with him between the end of my class and the beginning of my choir rehearsal on Tuesday. I'm really looking forward to it.

Salad and I went to her ward for sacrament meeting, then boogied over to my ward for my sacrament meeting. Both meetings were pretty good with a few boring spots. Better than some other recent meetings, for sure.

Anyway, I'm going to sleep so I can wake up early to get this stupid assignment done. I'm planning an interesting post when I have time for it, and it looks like tomorrow might be the day, so keep an eye out. I want to thank those of you who've commented on this blog so far - it's great to be able to jump into a new community of individuals and be accepted into the circle so readily. Some of the ideas brought up in discussion have really sparked some lines of thought for me, as well. I'm liking the intellectual/emotional stimulation.

~drex

joseph smith movie is so sad

I'm tired to the point of almost falling over right now, so I'm going to keep this brief and without major aside. Salad had a job interview for a teaching position this morning, so we went up and I worked on homework in the car while she was interviewing. Afterwards we went to lunch, then headed up to Salt Lake to watch the Joseph Smith movie. Can I just say...I consider myself a fairly sensitive guy, but I don't often cry in movies. This movie is three for three in making me bawl, though. Not only does it have emotionally manipulative down, but there's honestly a lot of Spirit in it and a lot of power that transcends mere emotion. I love the movie. It's sad, but so sweet.

I'm really looking forward to talking with my bishop tomorrow. He's a fantastic guy that I trust completely. I've been in this ward for two years, and my cousins have been here for over three. Our bishop is like family. Salad and I are both going to go talk with him and let him know our situation, and I really want a priesthood blessing from a person who knows the story and what's going on, and who can hopefully be a conduit for God to directly address what I've been going through.

And now I really am literally too tired to keep my eyes open. While I'm typing. It's to the level of ridiculous, which means I have to shelf my desire to keep posting about interesting things and give it up for some future time.

~drex