Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Coming out part 2: Salad's parents

Ok, let’s get the vacation posts done with so we can move on to bigger and better things.

Montana (May 4-6)

We spent two days in Provo after getting back from California before we headed of to the amazing emptiness of Montana. I had to start classes and both Drex and I had to log some hours at work.

Slight aside: my professor is a hag. She is absolutely ancient and has no idea what is going on in current school settings. She’s been teaching at BYU since 1963 and hasn’t been in a secondary classroom since about then. It’s ridiculous. I told her, after the first class, that I was going out of town on Friday and that I would have to leave class early. She said, “Do what you have to do” and gave me kind of a nasty look; I wanted to punch her in the face.

Now, you might be asking, “why did Drex and Salad decide to go to Montana of all places???” Well, the sole reason for the trip was to visit my parents who, much to my bitter disappointment, moved there about 2 years ago. At least it made what I’m about to tell you easier to accomplish.

So, many of you know that we’ve been dating very seriously and talking about getting married. Before we started seriously entertaining the idea of marriage (or at least before Drex started seriously entertaining the idea) I told Drex that he would have to ask my dad for permission to marry me—I’m kinda traditional that way. We had also decided that this would be a good time to tell my parents about Drex’s SSA.

(Aside about getting my ring: so about 2 weeks before this we had purchased my engagement ring from Sierra West and I love it. I was really excited to wear it, so Drex let me wear it while we were in California. We decided that I wouldn’t wear it in Montana until we had talked to my parents, which made me exceedingly sad, because I had grown quite attached to my ring.)

We got to Montana around 5:30 and we had dinner reservations for 6:30 at some amazingly good restaurant. We had wanted to talk to my parents before going to dinner, but because of timing and being flustered, it didn’t work out that way. Dinner was great, but a little intense because my parents didn’t know whether it was ok to talk about wedding stuff or not. At one point, while Drex wasn’t at the table, my dad leaned over and asked, “is it ok to talk about the wedding??” I said it was, but nothing really came up, which I thought was weird. After dinner, we headed back to my parents’ house and changed clothes and putzed around for a few minutes. The kids were home from their dinner activity, which kind of put a damper on telling my parents because we don’t really think it’s necessary for my siblings to know and there’s really no place to talk in my parents’ house where you can’t hear what’s going on (wow that was a big run-on sentence…oh well *shrug*). My mom cornered me and asked if we still wanted to talk, and I said we did, but obviously not with the kids around. She banished my sister to her room with strict instructions not to come out and my brother was banished to the basement to become so enthralled with computer games that he wouldn’t pay attention if the house crumbled around him. After that was completed, we assembled in the living room to talk. Drex wasn’t even shaking and didn’t appear nervous at all, which I was quite impressed with. I know it can’t have been easy for him to talk to candidly with my parents given the fact that he barely knew them, but I knew he would say what they needed to hear. He started out with, “We intend to be married and we’d like to do it with your blessing, but I think you should know what Salad is getting into.” The conversation went on from there. My parents didn’t say a whole lot that night. My dad did most of the talking and just expressed concern, mostly for me and my emotional well-being more than anything else. I had a really hard time reading my dad during the conversation. I had no idea what he was thinking. After Drex had gone through things from his point of view, I reiterated to my parents how much I love Drex and the fact that I’ve spent countless hours praying, researching, seeking counsel and talking to Drex about everything. The conversation ended and we went on with the rest of the evening.

Saturday was fun…:P Ok, well it was mostly. Drex and I got up and watched Duck Tales with my brothers—yay for Saturday morning cartoons and pajamas! Then my sister came down and told us that if we wanted her to take our engagement pictures, we’d have to get ready and go fairly quickly because her work schedule changed. Sadly, we had to tear ourselves away from Duck Tales and get ready. After getting ready, Drex and I sat down to figure out timing with the Temple and everything and found that the Temple is going to be closed on the day we wanted to get married, so we had to pick a different date. A debate with the parents ensued, and while I know they meant well, I still felt kind of attacked and inadequate and like it didn’t matter what I did, someone was going to be upset with me. I *hate* that feeling. It was all I could do to not burst into tears and got running to my bedroom. Luckily Drex was there to calm me a bit and we chose a date and called the Temple. Then we went driving around up Lolo Canyon to try and find somewhere to take pictures. My sister was kind of irked because my parents decided that they were going to come along and she didn’t want my dad taking over the photo shoot—which he tried to do. After taking pictures up the canyon, we went down to the UofM campus and took some pictures there. A few of them turned out well, but I think we’re going to try and take some more pictures in a couple of weeks as well. After we got back we ate dinner, Drex took a nap, and then we watched Eragon—good movie, but if you’ve read the book, it leaves a bit to be desired.

Sunday was your typical Sunday. In Relief Society the biddies were complaining about how they can’t control their daughters and what they wear. One of the women had the audacity to say that the girls don’t know what they’re doing when they dress like skanks. Then another woman decided that two-piece bathing suits were specifically banned in the “For the Strength of Youth” pamphlet (which is a crock! I own a two-piece bathing suit that is much more modest than 90% of the one piece bathing suits I’ve seen lately). The one good part about RS was that my mom’s cell phone went off in the middle, playing the James Bond theme (it was my dad). I was appalled by the attitudes of the women toward controlling how their daughters appear. They pretty much said that they couldn’t do anything and they’d just have to wait for them to grow out of the stage. My dad always taught us the importance of wearing modest clothing and my mother stood right beside him on the issue. I’m grateful that my parents clamped down and taught me and made an effort to make sure that I followed the standards set forth by the church. The Sunday School teacher wasn’t as familiar with the gospel as she should have been and got caught up in finding relevant quotes so she kind of missed the boat on the deeper meaning. Sacrament Meeting was testimonies and Drex and I got a wee bit irreverent and counted up how many times certain phrases were said—good times. After Church my parents wanted to talk to us a bit. My dad had processed a bit more and had read the interview done by Elder Oaks and Elder Wickman. He asked some pretty pointed questions; nothing super personal, but pointed nonetheless. I think that conversation helped him to feel a bit better about the situation. Both of my parents stressed that they had no problem with the marriage and that we have their support 100%, they’re more concerned for my emotional well-being than anything else. During the discussion I had the feeling that I should ask my dad for a blessing, but was waiting for the right moment. After the discussion ended, Drex turned and whispered to me that I should ask for a blessing. I knew I needed it and I knew it would be amazing, so I asked. My dad was more than willing and invited Drex to join him. As they laid their hands on my head, I was overcome by the feelings of love and gratitude I have for the two most important men in my life. I was given some pretty neat promises and left with a feeling of peace and comfort. I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

We ended up staying and eating lunch with the fam and then we headed back home to good old P-town. On the way, we stopped at Drex’s Grandma’s house to tell her that we’re engaged and to visit for a bit. After the visit we bee-lined it for home and, after saying good night, collapsed into our respective beds and slept.

To sum everything up: both of our parents are now aware of the challenges we face, Drex and I are engaged, the wedding date is August 8th in Washington DC, we’re having a reception in Alpine on the 10th of August for those of you interested in attending.

Ok, now we’re caught up on vacation. I’m sure Drex will have a meta-post with his take on the events described above. Now Drex can post on something cool and spiritual and I’ll find some more pictures of chapstick :P



brother bob said...

I think grandma should get a freaking awesome pseudonym. I'll put my thinking cap on and get back to you.

Samantha said...


Abelard Enigma said...

Wow! Congratulations!!! And, Drex, you are simply amazing. I don't think I could have ever done what you did.

And I assure you that mixed orientation marriages CAN work (27 years and counting for us)

(... and 'mixed orientation marriage' is such a strange term. If you are both attracted to guys, wouldn't that make it a 'same orientation marriage'? Sorry, my brain goes off on these tangents sometimes)

mulan said...

Yay! I'm glad everything went so well. And now we get to be related!!

-L- said...

You guys rock.

Marmoreal said...

BIG HUGE CONGRATS. and it's nice to know you guys both have supportive parents

Thrasius said...

Congratulations you guys. Hey Drex, can I talk to you sometime?

drex said...

bob: you come up with it and maybe it will stick.
samantha: thanks! =D
abelard: thanks, and your reminders are very appreciated - sometimes the enormity of it all catches me off guard.
mulan: silly, silly mulan.
-l-: ^_^
marmoreal: thanks!
thrasius: thanks, and anytime. Just catch me online or drop me an email whenever.