Still sick and now with an exceedingly sore throat, but I'll survive. I'm going to try to get everything about Soulforce down in this one post, but if I get too tired or it's taking too long, I reserve the right to start in the middle and finish tomorrow. There's a lot to say.
So last night's discussion group was actually pretty decent. The Equality Riders gave a brief (about 20 minutes or so) presentation about...I forget the term...theological progression? Or something like that. Anyway, I kinda zoned out on most of their points - it's all stuff I've heard from left-wing activists trying to cater their message to a conservative group before. They were knowledgable with their Bibles, but it didn't really align with how the majority of GLBT BYU students feel - at least in my experience. Emily had some really helpful comments about the basis of good dialogue and forward progression and understanding being based in creating relationships. Sorta reminded me of the whole BRT step on the mission - building relationships of trust (sup now-defunct purple handbook). Truly, though, that was the only thing that a Soulforce member said that actually resonated with me and allowed me to feel the Spirit. Nowadays with stuff like this I largely follow my feelings, because I have a closeness to the Spirit when it comes to discerning the truth of things. I'm pretty sure it's one of my spiritual gifts. So though the Soulforce people intended well, they just weren't getting the picture.
After they took off, though, we were left with only one Soulforce guy - Mike, a former BYU student and current member of the Church. He obviously understood us better, and with 'our people' guiding the discussion, progress was made, and things felt better. They talked about submitting lists of grievances to the administration (a semi-futile approach, as I see it, and one that ended today with two Soulforce people being arrested in order to make a point), the fear that pervades the everyday lives of GLBT BYU students (I mostly just like putting all those letters in a row :D), the stereotypes that fly around, the misconceptions that the majority of the student populace has about us, and what we'd like to see changed in the Honor Code. The grievances bit, while good in principle, was attacked in entirely the wrong way. School administrators anywhere don't like to be pushed around, and a list of things we think are wrong is less than likely to be entertained, plus having Soulforce members 'march' the list on campus (their words) when they've been warned to stay off or be arrested...not so much a good idea. That was a big loss in my eyes. The talk of fear, stereotypes, and misconceptions was pretty good stuff. I personally haven't felt afraid of being myself on campus, but a lot of that is because of my personality and the feeling of invincibility I get when I think I'm in the right. I'm not going to be advocating public displays of homosexual affection on campus - I advocate open communication between all people about the subject and attempts to increase understanding and love amongst all students. So the fear has never really been a factor for me. Stereotypes of any kind bother me, and more so gay Mormon stereotypes, because they're close to home. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm promiscuous, doesn't mean I whore myself out, doesn't mean I'm going to go limp-wristed and lispy (and if I did, who are you to judge me for it?), and it certainly doesn't mean that I'm not trying to live the gospel just as much as the next guy, or more so. It's myths like that that we're trying to dispel. As for the Honor Code, we just want clarity. We don't want a 6-page expose' on what homosexual activities are permissible or not - we want first of all to be able to discuss the issues in our lives without fear of ecclesiastical and administrative punishment. We want other people to hear and understand our stories, and perhaps feel compassion for our struggles and lend support. What do the scriptures say about dealing with people who are struggling?
...willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light;
Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort... (Mosiah 18:8-9)
...lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees. (D&C 81:5, out of context)
If we are able to have more discussions like that amongst the common BYU populace, we'll be partway to a more understanding campus.
Then, there was today. I didn't get to take part in the walls of Jericho march (sickness and work kept me away), Hidden did, and he told me that it was more good than bad. His interactions with Soulforce members was very positive, and he helped some of them catch a glimpse of the typical gay Mormon at BYU outlook. Some issues arose when the pro-same-sex temple sealings people started to pass around literature. It's people like them that give a horrible slant to our community and who lead Soulforce to believe that they can change Church doctrine. More on that in a moment.
We did, however, skip our history class to attend the rally at Kiwanis Park. It was not as well-attended as I had expected (I think it was about 50-50 or 40-60 Equality Riders to people who showed up on their own), but it started out great. Haven, a lesbian who organized the Soulforce visit last year, kicked it off (as far as I can tell, since we got there 5-10 minutes late) and was actually fairly well-spoken and fair. Then a "straight ally" current BYU student spoke to us about his experiences (he has a lesbian sister who left the church and thus his family has spoken about it), his findings (largely dealing with controversial electro-shock therapy used by a BYU professor in the 70's in an attempt to 'cure' homosexuality, a topic addressed in Carol Lynn Pearson's book, I think called No More Goodbyes (but I'm not positive, since I haven't read it)), and his opinion on what needs to happen. He also pulled some relavent quotes from his ancestor (from the time of Joseph Smith) and some stuff from Joseph Smith himself. It was good. Then a current BYU student who identifies as lesbian spoke, and was also very good. She talked about the pervasive fear on campus, her testimony of her trials and struggles, and how talking with others and being open allowed her to love herself again.
Unfortunately, the good stopped there. The next guy up was an older guy named Clay. He started out trying to lull us into his speaking style and getting us to trust his opinions by citing scriptures and faith that BYU would change its policy. Then he went off basically on church policy, saying that the 'rewards' to GLBT members of the church were unjust in the context of the scriptures, claiming that we have to take a stand against current powerful church leaders, and completely taking scriptures out of context to support his claims. It was a gross misrepresentation of what the majority of us stand for at BYU, and I don't think he should have been allowed to speak. It's people with stances like his that make Soulforce's visits unwelcome to many, and make me feel like they're less of a help to us than an inhibitor to actual dialogue. And as bad as Clay was, the next guy was worse. I didn't catch his name, but he said that we should call on church leaders to repent. He cited "Dollin" Oaks fearing that the Church would no longer be able to limit gays, he twisted I Am A Child of God, and generally was horribly creepy, and again, completely unrepresentative of what we stand for. I was horribly disappointed by how it ended up.
I didn't get to attend tonight's discussion group, but Hidden did, and he said it was phenomenal. Four of the six individuals who talked with Jan Scharman a few weeks ago were there, and only a couple of Soulforce members. They (Hidden and Pinetree, among others) were able to actually bring home our stance as gay Mormons - that to most of us (at least the ones in our circles), it's more important to be Mormon than to be gay. Basically that our goal isn't for BYU or the Church to allow us to 'act out' our sexual preferences, but that we want to be understood and free to talk about who we are and how we live, what we struggle with and how we can strengthen each other.
Tonight Soulforce is gone. They've stirred the pot, for sure. People are thinking about things, at least in part. We know that administration won't want to do anything that seems reactionary to Soulforce's visit, but we also know that they're open to discussing things behind closed doors, and profess to be open to creating something in the open as well. It's up to those of us who are in a position to do something to righteously and tactfully apply pressure to get things done, to speak when it is appropriate to speak and to make our voices heard. That's the only way we'll get anywhere before Soulforce returns again next year.
End of high horse. Sorry about long post.
~drex
