Tuesday, June 19, 2007

The Castle Says Hello!

So I guess we’ve both kind of fallen off the face of the planet as far as blogging goes. It’s weird because there’s time to do it, but neither of us can seem to find the motivation to actually sit down and write something out. The biggest reason I’m doing it now is that I’m trying to look like I’m being busy at work. I’m far too efficient for my own good :P

Things in the world of Salad and Drex have been a bit crazy. With wedding plans in full swing, I’m trying my best to keep on top of everything and make sure that things are getting done. I have my dress, shoes, and slip (and even experienced a skanky moment when I bought a bra at Victoria’s Secret—I’d never done that before). We got my Temple clothes this weekend and my Temple dress is really pretty. We got all of our invitations addressed and mailed and now we just have to work on the e-invites in an effort to keep postage costs down. I’ve had one bridal shower (I love the awkwardness of combining my mom’s family with my dad’s family…good times had all around) and I have 2 more to go, one of which is the Moho shower which I’m uber excited for. We pretty much have everything under control, but I’m still kind of in panic mode. I feel like there’s something I’m forgetting to do and I’m going to be in big trouble if I don’t remember what it is. I think that’s just my OCD coming through because we really are on top of the game.

Drex has been out of town for 6 days. It’s been interesting without him here. I miss him like crazy and I can’t wait for him to come back (4 more days to go) but it’s not as bad as I was expecting it to be. We’ve been rather inseparable since we started dating and I was expecting to go through a bit more withdrawal. I am an independent person by nature: I like to do things for myself on my time frame and I hate having my plans messed up by other people. When I was single, I had no problem being alone and filling my time and getting things done. I’m still able to get everything done with Drex around and it’s really nice to have him there and to know that if I hit a rut or just need to be loved, I don’t have to go far. Since he’s been gone I’ve filled my time with other people and I’ve loved getting to spend that time with them. Gimple and I have hung out a lot, Hidden came over, Mulan and I spent some quality time together, and my family was in town all weekend so my sister and I had a 3 day sleepover at my grandma’s. I’m not ok being “alone” anymore. I crave the company of someone else and feel overcome with loneliness and feelings of inadequacy if I’m left to my own devices for too long. It’s interesting how relationships change the way we view the world around us. I have a final to work on today and tomorrow, but while I need to be “alone” to work on that, I’m sitting here trying to figure out how I can work on that and still manage to spend time with someone else so I’m not alone.

In an effort to milk even more of your sympathy ;) Drex and Bob have been texting me pictures of their vacation pretty regularly. They texted me a picture of the food from one of my favorite eateries that hasn’t made it to Utah; I was awakened yesterday with a picture of the Cinderella castle in the Magic Kingdom; Bob kept telling me how they saw Sleeping Beauty and Maleficent (from my favorite movie of all time) walking around the park etc etc. I lead a rough life, I know….

In our musings last night, Mulan and I were discussing the different positions of the Mohos when it comes to Mixed-Orientation relationships. She was asking me how everyone views the idea and I figure it depends on where everyone is, individually, in their struggle with SSA. Please correct me if I’m wrong. There are some people who are very supportive of the idea and others who don’t think the person struggling with SSA is being true to themselves. We would like to know how you really feel about it, so feel free to comment (I’ll try not to take anything personally ;) ).



MoHoHawaii said...

We would like to know how you really feel about it...

Well, you did ask.

I think the articles that have appeared in Dialogue (Ron Schouw, et al) are pretty accurate. Basically, it's a serious risk factor in a marriage, and how much risk it adds depends on how strong the SSA orientation is.

However, there are other factors, too. I believe, and I think other bloggers such as -L- will agree, that having an open, honest relationship, where this issue is talked about and accepted as part of life, is one of the best ways to reduce the risk.

Stephen said...

I think that it is something that can be made to work given the right circumstances. But then, I think that about a regular marriage too. I also think that it's probably not for everybody, but that definitely doesn't mean it's not for anybody.

In short, even though I seriously doubt that I could ever make one work, L, Kengo, Abelard, and all the other married MoHos out there show that it is definitely something that can be made to work, and I think that you two will add another pinch of evidence to that effect. Congratulations!

Gimple said...

I love you Salad! Do you need me to come over tonight to do homework? I will definitely come over but I can only stay out until 9, I have a final at 8.

I think that you and Drex are the prefect examples to all of us. I know that you have helped me out a lot these past couple of days. I want to have what you and Drex have with a women. It is something special! We have such great examples and I totally love you!

playasinmar said...

Marriages can be risky for any number of reasons.

And one car might suit one person and be terribly wrong for the next.

What I mean to say is there are a thousand solutions to every situation in life and, though your answer might not work for me, I certainly hope it works for you!

You are a friend I admire and respect and you have my absolute support and respect for this undertaking. :)

gaydad said...

Me and my ex had a blast being married, but we didn't know I was gay.

We are still best friend and we stayed married for two years after "the memo" made through my thick skull. (about 7 years ago) We have five children and we are all close and happy, My Drex is now engaged to my former missionary companion. If we were still members and that was important to us, we would still be married I imagine, and having some kind of fun-a fairly happy life.

I felt like a fake near the end. For some reason I wanted to come out and tell everyone I was gay. You can do that now, so maybe that is a difference. Although we were very physical, (I blame my ex, the hottie) somehow I longed to hold a man, I was honest about that, and that hurt her. I remained fatihful, but finally we decided to separate.

She wanted to be a wonderful martyr, but fell in love with my old companion, which I was happy for her, but it was hard. I just somehow had to be out and with a man. It was the most excruciating thing ever, but now life is truly wonderful. We all go on ski trips and spend holidays together. We raised each other and the kids, and at 45 have fuller lives. There's a lot to be said for a simple nuclear family. Though we all like my partner and my ex's fiance and his kids, it would be easier if it was just us like before. But then look at when all the kids get married --there's a bunch of strangers in the family too. Anyway, at this point you guys sound like us, and so go have fun playing house. You have as good a chance as anyone at happiness. It's a whole new world out there.

Best wishes