Wednesday, April 18, 2007

rant: judgemental mohos

Yay for the end of classes! I only have one paper and one test left, then I'm free for spring and summer. Glorious. So for the record, we're experimenting with flavored chapstick/lip gloss/whatever, and it seems to have a positive effect. So that's good news.

Now I want to vent for a little bit. I have been nothing but impressed with the overall open-mindedness, acceptance, and non-judgemental nature of the Moho community, but I've come to a frightening realization. Mohos are just as judgemental of people they feel don't match the poster-boy image they like. Not always, but a lot are.

Those who know us know that Hidden fits quite a few gay stereotypes. He's effeminate, carries around a murse, worries about fashion, flails his hands when he talks (sorry bud =)), and stuff like that. But y'know what? Underneath that exterior, Hidden's just a guy with his own issues, his own strengths, and his own needs. And y'know what? I feel like he's been betrayed by the very people who should understand him the best. Do you know how hard it is to watch your best friend get snubbed and shut out by people you consider your friends? Or at least people who by all accounts ought to at least understand enough not to judge others based on such silly notions. So what if he talks like a gay guy - his ideas are good, his opinions are solidly founded, and he's working his tail off to help people understand not only him but all of us in the Moho community.

We went for a walk late one night last week. Most of you understand what it's like to feel alone and alienated, to feel like those who ought to understand really don't. Most of us have gone through that. Some of what brings us together is that commonality, and many of us have reveled in the seemingly unconditional acceptance by those 'like us.' Many of us feel like we finally belong somewhere, that we're relating with people who can actually understand where we're coming from, and who are friends with us for who we are regardless of orientation or other issues. Hidden still faces a lot of that alienations and loneliness even when spending time with us. Outside our tighter group of friends, the tenseness and sometimes distaste or even dislike are almost palpable. He's been cut out of activities or other things with no explanation. It bugs me to no end to see, and it breaks him apart. He probably wouldn't want me to be blogging about this, but it really irks me that we have such a capacity to speak out of both sides of our mouths. People are people, and if you're going to judge them, do it based on more than just your surface judgement and your distaste for the way they walk.

On the plus side, there are many of you who have not shown that judgemental mentality, and I thank you for it. Our little circle of friends is still growing, and I love every one of you - we have so much fun spending time with you, and it's sad that some of it will be broken up by the coming of spring semester. I hope you all keep in touch on Facebook or whatever as you disappear for a few months.

Sorry I was ranty. I'll hopefully post again tonight - brother Bob is hopefully getting his mission call and opening it tonight, so I'll have to brag about it. ^_^ And talk about going out to sushi. Mmm....


playasinmar said...
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playasinmar said...
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playasinmar said...

I'll jump in before any z-snapping breaks out.

I love Hidden! We only met the one time, true, but I thought I was a YouTube expert before he pulled up some thirty videos I had never seen before.

Anyone funny is okay in my book.

bob said...

Brother bob has no such luck. Stupid mail system, all bogged down with tax forms.

bob said...

Oh, also, wasn't it you who shot me down when I spelled judgmental with an 'e' back in the day? I argued that both were acceptable and you continued to make fun of me. Now you're a flip-flopper. Golly.

Stephen said...

Uh-oh, Drex. Now you can never be a politician because you flip-flopped on the spelling of judgement! (Firefox 2 still thinks that you can't have the first "e" but OED disagrees.)

But no, I know what you mean. Sometimes we forget just how little we like being judged.

Marmoreal said...

I can relate in two areas: double yeah, one more week of school for me as well, before the semester is over and judgmental people (moho or otherwise) frustrate me. dude, where's the love?!

iwonder said...

That is truly sad. You know what I think, I think we are all just too uncomfortable about our own sexuality and manliness, and unfortunately a man who seems to exhibit some of the stereotypical gay behaviours/traits makes us uncomfortable because we are already so insecure about our own selves. It is sad, pathetic, and stupid, but I really think that is true.

By the way, I love sushi - almost more than life itself. Not kidding.

Distinguishing Preoccupation said...

Wow, I just posted about this same thing here just the other day. http://allofthisaroundus.

Anyway, I couldn't agree more. I think sometimes the reason why some gay LDS guys discriminate is because they are somewhat insecure with their own mannerisms... they are afraid that they themselves are a screaming queen. Seeing someone who is more effeminate reminds them that they could be the same way and just not know it thus announcing to everyone their orientation. There is nothing worse than coming out to someone and hearing them say "I know."
I remember I used to be terrified that people would guess that I was gay because of something I said or the way I did it. It's the whole reason I avoided sports in middle school. I didn't want to be called the guy that threw the ball like a girl. Deep down though, I just wanted to play the game with the rest of the guys.
Once I had a very gay, very obvious roommate. At the time I was not out to myself (whatever that means)and to me, he represented everything I didn't want to be. I was less than hospitable to him at times. Looking back, I see how badly he just needed friends. But really, I was just too insecure myself to be in a position to help him. Anyway... Thanks for saying something that needed to be said.


el veneno said...

Thanks for that rant. I noticed the same thing at the last FHE and it really bugged me.
Since the first time I met him, I've been impressed by Hidden's unique and authentic personality. His eccentricities are a little funny but they're what make him him and I hope he doesn't ever change just to try to fit in. Let Hidden know I think he's pretty cool.