Friday, March 16, 2007

insecurity

I'm not a very insecure person. I'm typically quite sure of myself, quite confident in my abilities, quite certain that I can handle whatever life throws my way. There are a few select circumstances under which I tend to buckle more readily. The one of which I am most keenly aware is friends. My friends are few and far between, and I haven't had a guy best friend for since I moved away from New York in 2000. The last time I added a new guy friend to my list of close friends was probably sixth grade, back in 1994-95 or whenever the heck I was in sixth grade. I share this because I thought I had a guy best friend again, and it had been nice. My insecurity comes in the fact that because I hold my friends close, make few of them, and don't like people being mad at me, I'm always afraid that I'll do something to offend a friend or chase them off.

Sorta like I did last night.

I should have been more considerate, or chosen my words more carefully, or kept my mouth shut altogether. At any rate, apparently I've chased off a friend that I think I needed, and it's left me lower than I've felt in a long time. More because I don't know what I can do to patch things up or if it's even patchable than anything else. I want to play the optimist and say that it will all work itself out in the end and we'll be closer for it or some trite drivel like that, but my insecure side won't let me process things that way.

I think that's it. Not really in the mood to say anything more.

~drex

9 comments:

Mormon Enigma said...

One of the nice things about guy friends is that men don't tend to hold grudges as much as women do. (Please don't hit me, I'm just making an observation.) I see this a lot in the youth. When girls get mad at each other, it tends to drag on for a long time. Sometimes they never get over it. And, girls can say some of the most hateful things about other girls. Boys, they get made at each other, yell at each other, perhaps even hit each other, next thing you know they are best buds again.

salad said...

i don't hold grudges, i don't know what you're talking about...

Mormon Enigma said...

OK, so maybe not all girls. But, you have to admit that, overall, girls tend to hold grudges more than boys (at least my wife agrees with me on this).

Or, maybe I should just stop while I'm ahead and quit digging myself in deeper and deeper.

playasinmar said...

Hey, Enigma! I'm here to pile on, too!

Shame on you for expressing a controversial opinion! Thou shalt not question nor prescribe gender roles

playasinmar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
drex said...

I'm glad you guys can make light of the situation (in a good way!). ^_^ It makes me feel marginally better. I'm hoping that my friend will be around at his usual spot this afternoon - we usually hang out during our mutual free time every other day. And we're supposed to have a shindig at Salad's place this evening. *sigh* At least it's sunny outside....

Marmoreal said...

I'm kinda in agreement with the women holding grudges longer thing. Obviously, this is a generalization and exceptions exist (I consider myself one of those exceptions as I won't hold onto hurt long enough for it to become a grudge - then again, I'm an exception to the heterosexual label as well :)
If I had my choice I'd rather have a man mad at me than a woman. I've got a couple female, former friends that I don't think will ever get over long since past incidents. I wish they were guys.

salad said...

ok, i'll admit to holding a grudge over some things, but they're usually the stupid things. i love my friends enough that it takes some really aggregious incident for me to hold a grugde. if i held grudges against my best friends i guarantee that i wouldn't be posting here right now. luckily i tend to get over things fairly easily...we won't talk about my grudge holding anymore...

The Hidden Gay said...

Lamesauce. I guess once again I'm the odd man out. Cuz I do hold grudges. Alot and often...most likely more than healthy. But I know and recognize that I have anger management issues...

Sorry to debunk all the others comments...

Good news is Drex and I are patching things... and again let me say sorry (publicly) for the way I handled things... I'm sorry.

~Hidden