Sunday, March 18, 2007

lazy days

Lazy days are *so* therapeutic. Especially lazy days where it's over 70 degrees outside and blessedly sunny. Oh man. Salad basically mentioned most everything fun that happened today. I had a choir rehearsal this morning, cut my hair, got my shorts, we watched some basketball, hung out with Hidden, went to a concert and ate some cookies at our friends' house.

I'm having a hard time deciding what I want to blog about - it's a combination of too many ideas and too tired. I guess something that's been piquing my interest is holding grudges. I used to be able to hold a grudge really well and really long. At one point I held a grudge against my best friend - for years it lasted, until one day, years after he moved to another state, I had a dream that he said he was sorry. Only then, like 6 years later, was I able to forgive him and move on. So I find it really interesting that I can't really hold a grudge anymore. Or rather, I suppose I could, but I don't see the point to myself. One aspect of my logical side that remains intact is my ability to reason out of (some) emotions. If I'm feeling something that doesn't make sense or has no benefit, my logical side can sometimes flush it out. This extends to whenever I'm angry at friends - for better or for worse. I can't stay mad at friends, and can't hold a grudge against them. Not like I used to.

I suppose that relates to another curious thing that I've pondered recently - the logical vs. emotional dual aspect of personality. Before my mission I was almost purely logical. I think that at some point I subconsciously decided that the best way to not feel SSA-related emotions was to try to kill all my emotions. Of course very few people are able to completely pull that off, but I did okay at it. At some point on my mission, though, I switched to a largely emotion-driven individual. I think that was part of striving to be in touch with the Spirit. My testimony gained a more obviously personal aspect because I felt it myself rather than just learning it myself. I was able to discern the needs of those around me and how I could help them best. Some of that carried over after the mission, but I find myself sometimes wishing my logical side was as strong as before.

And I'm apparently rambling again. Man, I have to get more sleep. And maybe blog sometime earlier than 1:45 in the morning. Brilliant.


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