Tuesday, March 6, 2007

and so it begins

I'm wondering if perhaps blogging would be a good outlet for some of my feelings. It's an interesting conundrum, because at one point I considered myself a decent writer. Those days have since passed, but I still enjoy the act of writing and getting my ideas out of my head and down somewhere more concrete. Helps me sort them out and figure out what's actually happening to me instead of just hypothesizing.

Then there's the fact that my journal-keeping has been sporadic at best, and non-existant at worst. We're definitely on the non-existant side right now, though I did write a long journal entry for memories' sake last week. I'll have to network out a bit to provide myself some outside source of motivation to get things written down. For some reason that tends to keep me going.

As this is my first entry, it will be a bit out of order with no backstory, but here's the thrust of what happened today. Omitting all boring details of everyday life, Heroes was fantastic despite the horrible cliffhanger and being informed that we have to wait until late April to watch more. The big stuff happened late tonight. Salad got to work, got online, and let me know that Mulan's friend also deals with SSA, and that Mulan's been researching. It seemed right to go talk to her tonight (and the Spirit confirmed it), so I went down and we talked for a while. About an hour and a half, actually. It was a good talk, and it helped me put some things into perspective. I hope it leads to additional talks in the future, because I feed off of interactions like that, where I can be myself and help someone at the same time. The give-and-take that happens calms me down, helps me know that I'm where I need to be, and gives me a healthy feeling of self-importance and self-worth that carries me through the more troublesome times that surely crop up.

It's times like this that I hope I can find the opportunity in life to be a counselor for youths dealing with SSA. I feel like I could be a great help to many, providing a dash of outside perspective and an understanding ear to people who feel like they have no where to turn and no where to go. It's a sad and lonely road for far too many of us, and I'm not sure that the whole road has to be that way. There are assuredly some stretches which must be traversed with only God by our side, but much of the way can be walked with friends and family supporting and encouraging us, relieving our burdens and reaching out to help when we need it. Too many have fallen off the path because they have attempted it alone. The gospel teaches us that we never need be alone. Even when performing individual ordinances for ourselves there are others involved in guiding our way - the comforting arms of the priesthood holder performing the baptism, the circle of priesthood holders bestowing the gift of the Holy Ghost, the escort guiding the way through the endowment ceremony, and ultimately, for those lucky enough to experience it, kneeling across an altar with one's soon-to-be-spouse in the sealing ceremony - every step is accompanied. Trodden alone (except for the sealing), but accompanied. Why do we barricade ourselves into our fortresses of self-doubt and pity, when we could be enjoying life with our friends? Sometimes I forget.

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