Wednesday, March 7, 2007

god networks

A long and exhausting day punctuated by some brilliant flashes of light. Work was work, but my cross-cultural families class was not typical fare. We had a panel of two individuals from the Middle East - a Greek Orthodox guy from Jordan and a Sunni Muslim gal from Egypt. I don't have much respect for my teacher in terms of understanding culture and knowing how to phrase probing questions, but the panel was fantastic. I learned a lot from the answers they gave for our many questions, and while I realized I didn't understand the Islamic viewpoint, it was made abundantly clear how much I don't know. American Idol was really good, and Melinda Doolittle was AMAZING, as always. I would seriously buy her CD right now, and as soon as her eventual CD comes out, I will buy it the first day. Speaking of which, Elliott Yamin's first CD comes out on the 20th of this month....

Salad and I had our first scripture study session tonight. We're reading through the Book of Mormon, and I, at least, am focusing on highlighting and studying verses focusing on covenants and obedience. In my personal study I'm working on language and prayer, so it's looking to be pretty fun. We had an interesting time looking into what "overcome by the Spirit" means. We came to the conclusion (based mostly on reading from the footnotes for that particular phrase) that much of the time being overcome by the Spirit is an experience attached to being transfigured in order to see the face of God. Such is the case with Daniel, Moses, and Lehi. Other times we felt are likely just very spiritually-charged experiences that leave you feeling drained afterwards. I suppose it's possible that Ammon was so in-tune with the Spirit that meeting his brethren caused a transfigurative experience, but I doubt it.

So I've decided that God's a pretty smart guy (this in reference to the title of this entry). One of the things that Salad and I were marvelling over yesterday, and that I've continued to ponder since, is how intricately woven the web of our lives is, and just how much God sees and orchestrates ahead of time. It's testimony to me when I see how so many lines have come together right now, and to see the way that things are playing out. Seriously, looking at my life and the people and situations that are falling into it right now, you'd think that I am the main character in an exceedingly complex and coincidence-ridden novel. The timing is perfect - and here's a basic timeline:

Novemberish 2005, I decide to pursue someone other than Salad, leading to me coming out to her. From that point on, Salad does research into SSA, trying to understand everything. Over the summer of 2006, I finally get the answer of what I should study in school - psychology, with the express impression that I will be doing something to help fellow gay members of the church understand what they're feeling and how they can survive in what seems like an impossible condition to deal with. Then recently: Salad makes a deal with God - nothing's holding her here, so why stick around? Out of the blue, I tell Salad I want to give our relationship a shot - it felt right. Shortly thereafter, Salad gives me Hidden's email address, and we get together and talk. Hidden and I knew each other superficially from the mission, but aside from the casual greeting in the hallways of the JFSB and waving during Men's Chorus concerts, had little interaction. Hidden and I become instant friends, and I quickly become comfortable talking about things that I've understood about myself for years. Then my parents are in town for Joe's wedding, creating the opportune moment to come out to them. I decide to take it, enhancing my comfort level and opening up a new level of communication. Meanwhile Mulan is having some issues of her own, because a friend has come out to her. Just as Salad's getting pretty tired of not having anyone who can relate to her, Mulan tells her what's going on. Salad and I talk, I talk to Mulan that night and come out to her, and offer whatever meager suggestions, advice, and insight I can. Now Salad and Mulan each have someone with whom they can talk about the unique issues they face. Honestly, everything's falling into place in such an organized way - there's no doubt there's a force behind it. And I don't doubt that that force is God. It's nice to realize that I'm doing the right thing, and I have been so reassured by the Spirit recently. There's no silence from the heavens for me right now - I haven't felt the Spirit this often since the mission. It's a wonderfully liberating experience.


Mormon Enigma said...

... I will be doing something to help fellow gay members of the church understand what they're feeling and how they can survive in what seems like an impossible condition to deal with.

And God knows that we need people like you.

BTW, welcome to the MoHo blogosphere. I hope you don't mind that I referenced your blog in my latest blog entry.

Marmoreal said...

yes, there is always a spiritual force behind the good in our lives. I believe my stumbling upon gay lds bloggers, though an accidental event from an every-day world point of view, was not an accident when looked at from an eternal perspective. When we actively seek spiritual guidance we are better able to see God's "hand in all things".

playasinmar said...

I think you said you came out recently. Would you mind sharing the story with the blogspot community?

Kengo Biddles said...

I agree with the weave of life; look at me and Miki, and more recently, look at us. I was not expecting you at the blessing, but there you were, and then we find link after link. I know we've been drawn together by God to help each other.

God's in charge of the warp and weft, I tell you what.