Monday, March 26, 2007

Episode #4: bringing it current

Ok, as promised, here's the rest of the story:

Right before Christmas and after as well, Drex’s cousins and brother and I had been talking and we’d seen a change in him. We didn’t necessarily feel like it was a change for the better and we began to be worried about him. He seemed more upset and bitter and angry and just overall not in a good mood—EVER. His cousins nominated me to be the one to talk to him and figure out what was going on. That wasn’t really a fair position to put me in but there was logic behind it. They figured that I would be the one person that he would listen to and actually take seriously. I HATE confrontation and contention. Drex and I are very similar that way. I didn’t really want to deal with the issue because I knew that there could only be 2 outcomes: 1. we would remain friends and the friendship would get better or 2. everything would end right there. Because those were the only options I had no desire to deal with it because I tend to psyche myself out for the worst case scenarios. I kept putting it off and putting it off and just trying to ignore what was going on.

At the end of January I was cornered by Drex’s cousin and he had a lot to say. He’s been one of the biggest supporters of me and Drex getting together since the very beginning and this encounter proved to be very stunning. He sat me down and told me that he didn’t want to ever be in the same room with me and Drex together because we have the tendency to verbally play off of each other and it’s not always very nice. He said that we had offended him deeply and that while he didn’t want anything to change the friendship between us, he wasn’t going to make an effort to be around when Drex and I were together. Then he told me that I should just give up on Drex altogether. Maybe at one point we could have worked, but at this point our paths had diverged enough that it just would never be a possibility. I was stunned by this conversation and really didn’t know what to say. When he left I called my mom and bawled on the phone about everything. I told her I couldn’t do it anymore and that I was just going to get over him. There were other things I needed to focus on and I couldn’t waste my time anymore because it obviously wasn’t going to go anywhere.

I finally sucked up my inhibitions and decided that I would talk to Drex about the change in his attitude while his cousins/roommates were out of town on business. We had to see a movie for the class that we are taking together while they were gone, so I just decided that I would do it after that. We walked out of the movie and were on our way to my car and my heart was going a million times a second. I was so nervous. I waited until we got in my car and were headed home and I told him I had a loaded question for him and asked, “what’s up?” I’m sure he didn’t catch my meaning at first, but after some probing he told me that he was really stressed out and since he didn’t have any real music distraction going on he was having a hard time filtering everything out. I’ll be honest, I didn’t really buy that answer, but I let him keep talking. We ended up going up to his apartment to talk since he was by himself and we sat on complete opposite sides of the room. We talked for over an hour and I have no idea what the specifics of that conversation were. Then suddenly he was talking about his SSA in really vague terms and dancing around whatever it was he was trying to say. I looked at him and said, “Why are you dancing around the issue?? You know I know, so stop dancing.” He responded with, “I know, but it still hurts to talk about.” Then, for only the second time since I’ve known him, tears started streaming down his face. I again felt an increase of love for him and knew that he needed something from me, so I opened my arms and said, “Come sit by me.” He moved and I put my arms around him and laid my head on his chest and we just sat there for a while. I felt him take a deep breath and exhale and what came next left me completely shocked. He said, “I need to preface what I’m about to say with, I don’t want to be smothered and I don’t want you to get your hopes up…but I think we should give us a try.” Ok, now place yourself in my shoes and picture my reaction. I had always planned to be spiteful if he ever asked me and just tell him no, but in that moment I felt the most overwhelming peace and contentment fill my heart and mind and I knew it was right. While I was processing that though, I looked up at him with complete disbelief in my eyes. When I gained control over my voice I replied with, “Well, I need to preface my answer with, I’m done with my endorsement in June and I really have no intention of staying here unless there’s something keeping me here…no pressure or anything.” I think he answered back with something along the lines of “Fair enough” but I don’t remember because my brain was on complete overload. We sat there for a long time and he put his arms around me and we talked about many different things. For some reason that I can’t recall at the moment, we decided that it would be a good idea to keep the fact that we were dating from his family until after his cousin got married. Looking back on it, it was quite the silly decision, but whatever. It was at that point that I decided to tell him that I had Hidden’s email address if he wanted it.

I went to bed that night still wondering if I had dreamed the whole event. The whole idea of finally being able to date him was so surreal to me and I hardly dared believe it was true. I had waited for four and a half years and my prayers had finally been answered…and then it dawned on me: I had made a deal with God and once again He had come through for me. Now, this doesn’t mean I’m going to go making all kinds of deals with God, but it proved to me that He does listen to our hopes and desires, and if we’re patient enough He just might be willing to let us have the ones that will be good for us. When I woke up the next morning I very nearly pinched myself just to make sure I was awake. I decided I didn’t want to deal with the minute pain and waited to see how things would go with Drex that day. To my complete and utter surprise, we were actually dating, I hadn’t dreamed it all.

After about a week and a half and talking with Drex’s cousin’s fiancé, we decided to scrap our original plan of silence and told his family (mine already knew). My roommate/his cousin was ecstatic and demanded the full story while I was in the middle of getting ready to go to class—needless to say, I was a bit late for class. The rest of the family wasn’t really surprised at all and they reacted with “it’s about time” and “we’re really happy for you.” When Drex told his mom though, there wasn’t much of a reaction at all, which made me really nervous. We had established a pretty good relationship when I went out and visited them, or so I thought and the fact that there really wasn’t a reaction from her didn’t seem really uplifting at the time. The whole extended family was coming in to town for Drex’s cousin’s wedding and I will admit to being very intimidated to talk to his family after the lack of reaction. I started stressing out unnecessarily, which I’m wont to do in a lot of situations. Everything went smoothly the first night they were in town which did much to put me at ease. Unfortunately I was still stressing out about the wedding because I was supposed to do the bride’s hair and take care of the kids while everyone was at the Temple and…and…and…yeah, I was stressed out. The morning of the wedding I did the bride’s hair and drove her up to the Temple and then went back to Drex’s parent’s hotel to watch the little ones with his brother. We went back to the Temple for pictures and when I got there, Drex told me that he was considering telling his parents about his SSA while they were in town. I was kind of surprised, but told him that I would support whatever decision he made. We kind of talked about it a little on the way home from the Temple and he made the decision to go for it. Later that afternoon he told his parents that he wanted to talk to them alone at some point. I didn’t think it would happen that day, probably right before they left to go home.

That night was the time. We sent Drex’s brother home with my car and the little ones were in bed. I was sitting next to Drex with my arms around him and my head on his chest but before everything settled in to place I had him lean down and told him that I loved him no matter what happened and I wasn’t going anywhere. I put my head back on his chest and his heart was going about a million beats a second (ok, so that’s exaggerating, but it was going really fast). The wording he chose for telling his parents was quite similar to what he said to me so I experienced a bit of a flashback. They took the news exceedingly well and expressed their love and support for Drex over and over—his dad was quieter than his mom, but you could see the love in his eyes. During the course of the 2 hour conversation we covered a lot of topics, but I was most impressed that they included me in the conversation. Both of his parents asked me how I felt about the situation and how things would work out with us and how my parents would react to the information. It was an amazing conversation and I can only hope and pray that the conversation with my parents is as productive.

The next day we went up to Northern Utah to visit with his extended family and I had an absolute blast. His cousins are way fun and his aunts and uncles are great people. I didn’t interact as much with the adults but I seemed to fit right in with the cousins which isn’t something that normally happens right off the bat for me.

The last night his family was in town Drex and I spent at the hotel hanging out and just being with the family. When it was time to leave Drex’s dad gave me a hug and then his mom gave me a hug and said, “You take care of my boy and let him take care of you.” I felt so loved by them and I don’t think they can ever appreciate how much that meant to me. After being so nervous about them coming out and everything it was a really good point at which to leave off and I felt really good about the situation.

We started the blog not long after they left so I think this might be the end of the recap of the “Drex and Salad Saga.” I feel kind of sad about that, but at least I got it finished. I’m going to end with some personal thoughts and then I can just keep going with the present stuff.

I have known, almost since day one, that Drex and I were more than just mortal friends. I truly and deeply believe that our spirits were friends in the pre-existence. I know that sounds way cheesy and very Saturday’s Warrior but it’s true. The time leading up to us dating and the point where we are right now was painful in a lot of ways, but completely worth it. I know the feelings aren’t 100% reciprocated, but I love Drex more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life and that love grows everyday. I can’t picture my life without him, nor do I ever want to. I know that our road together will be long and hard and occasionally discouraging, but it’s totally worth it. I wouldn’t give up our experiences together for anything in this world.


S.

6 comments:

playasinmar said...

You're a nice salad, lady.

playasinmar said...

oops

Youre a nice lady, Salad.

The Hidden Gay said...

"I am sure none of my salad loving buddies question..."

PS To finish off the Saga recap I would just like to add one simple fact: Hidden helped ALOT *poke*

>Hidden...always humble :)

drex said...

I've got some input on this section. First of all, my lack of good mood was due to stress, plain and simple. Without a stress outlet and with mounting pressure at work and school, it was reaching a boiling point, but it wasn't any deeper than that. I've been okay with who I am and open with myself for a long time - any hangups with talking about it stemmed from not having any experience talking about it.

Also, my frustrations with the mentioned cousin/roommate were to blame for a lot of things. He touts the importance of confrontation and dealing with problems up-front, then takes problems with me to Salad instead. Hypocritical? I think so.

My hesitance to be more 'open' with Salad the night that we started going out stemmed from the fact that I'd told her about it like a year previous, and I had since perceived it as a taboo topic of discussion. She may have been doing her research and such, but she never talked about it with me, so I felt like she was trying to forget that it was ever brought up. It felt like she was ignoring what I had said.

I'm going to confirm what Hidden said - he helped a lot. More than I realized at the time. I was completely fine with myself as I was, but I hadn't ever had a real outlet to talk about my issues. Hidden was a friend who was able to relate to all of my issues and who was open, caring, and nonjudgmental. He was the first person I could be completely honest and unrestrained around. Despite Salad's willingness to listen at that point, I was in protective mode and didn't want to occupy her mind with the weightier matters of mine.

I think those're the main aspects of my perspective that ought to be shared with regards to the story.

Marmoreal said...

Salad, thanks for sharing the story. It's nice to see how things play out sometimes. Thanks for taking the time to type it all out.
and Drex, guys always have their perspective ;)

Thrasius said...

Awesome comment on my blog and well articulated. I like how you express yourself and I agree with what you have to say. Thanks for that. I hope things are going well.